I Feel Like Humpty Dumpty (episode)/Transcript
This page contains the transcript of I Feel Like Humpty Dumpty. Please note that this is done by ear and could possibly be inaccurate. Part One * Scotty: (rushing into The Beagles bedroom, holding a newspaper) Open your sleepy eyes, lads! * Stringer: (in a yawn) What's the matter? * Scotty: CB Schlemiel, the great movie producer, is looking for a song for his new motion picture! * Stringer: So what? * Scotty: So! Take those instruments and play me your new song! * (The Beagles get out of bed and do just that. I Feel Like Humpty Dumpty) * Scotty: Enough, lads! That's a movie song for sure. All we've got to do is get CB Schlemiel to like it. And I've got just the way! * Stringer & Tubby: Oh, no. * (Cut to The Beagles & agent in front of Epic Studios. Stringer is in front of a wall and Tubby is putting an egg costume on him from a latter) * Stringer: I don't understand this, Scotty, what's this all about? * Scotty: It's very simple! First, Tubby and I close you up in this breakaway egg. Then, we lift you up on the wall (does so, straining) like this. * Stringer: Boy, I (laughs) I sure feel silly in this egg. * Tubby: Gee, Stringer. (laughs) You look like Humpty Dumpty sitting on a wall. * Scotty: Exactly, lad! Now in a moment, CB's car will stop over there and I'll be waiting. I'll wave to ya (waves kerchief) and when I do, Tubby, you push the egg off the wall! * Stringer: Push it off?! Now wait a minute, I'll hit the ground! * Scotty: But it won't hurt, lad! There's a mattress down there. As soon as the egg breaks, grab your instruments and start playing the song. CB is sure to be impressed! Now, watch out you don't miss me waving my handkerchief. * Stringer: Yeah, and watch out I don't miss that mattress. * Scotty: (around the building, beside a Cadillac) Good day, CB Schlemiel! If you want to see something strange, just take a look over at that wall! * Stringer: He's waving, Tubby, what are you waiting for? * Tubby: (strained) I'm trying to push! But I've got my foot caught! * Stringer: You're rocking us the wrong way! Look out! * Tubby: Oh no! * (The two fall forward, away from the mattress and onto concrete) * Scotty: (runs over) CB missed the whole thing! But I'm not giving up. I'm going to catch him when he's having his lunch. * (On top of a building, Stringer is being hoisted by a small crane) * Stringer: ...I don't like this, Scotty. * Scotty: Don't you worry. I'll let you down gentle til you're right beside CB Schlemiel's table. * Stringer: Hey, I get it. You let me drop and the egg breaks open. * Scotty: Exactly! Then Tubby will run out from behind the curtain with your instruments and you'll do your song. CB is sure to like it! * Stringer: Well, if it means movie stardom and fame and fortune (laughs) ... I guess it's worth it. * Scotty: And here we go! (Scotty cranks the crane, sending Stringer downward) Uh, that rope looks a wee bit thin, there, I hope it doesn't-! (it does) break! * (Stringer falls, crashing all the way through the floor and into the basement.) * CB: Amazing. Something hurtled through the floor right on down to the basement. * (Tubby and Scotty run after him. Stringer is groaning and rubbing his head) * Stringer: Man, that was the longest three feet in history. * Scotty: No, no, Stringer! You went far too fast, CB Schlemiel never saw you at all! * Tubby: Yeah, Stringer! You didn't stop a-and we didn't get to play our song or anything. * Scotty: Don't feel bad, laddies. This time we can't fail! We'll catch CB as he comes home to his hotel. You'll fall out of the fifteenth story window! * (Stringer makes a line across his neck with a finger) * Narrator: Can Scotty possibly be serious? The answer lies ahead, in our next exciting episode! Part Two *'Narrator:' Scotty was trying desperately to get CB Schlemiel, the famous movie producer, to use to use the Beagles new song in his movie; a song titled: I Feel Like Humpty Dumpty. *''(The Beagles and Agent are standing in front of the Wilton Hotel, Stringer in egg)'' *'Stringer:' It's out of the question, Scotty! I won't go up there and fall out of that window in this egg! *'Tubby:' Ah, gee, Stringer. It's only fifteen stories up. *'Stringer:' Okay, so you do it! *'Scotty:' He can't do it, Stringer. The lad's too fat for the egg. Now, let me explain the whole thing... *'Stringer:' You can explain, but I'm not gonna do it! *'Scotty:' I'll be standing here when CB Schlemiel comes home from the studio. As he's getting out of his car, I'll say "There's an egg about to fall from the fifteenth story window!" *'Tubby:' And then Scotty will wave his handkerchief and you'll push yourself off the window ledge in the egg, just like Humpty Dumpty! *'Stringer:' And where are you in that convertible all this time? *'Tubby:' Right over here! (now in car, reversing) I'll be watching for Scotty to wave his handkerchief. When he does I'll back up like this! *'Scotty:' You see, lad? Nothing can go wrong! *'Stringer:' Hmm... hey, how about a test run? *'Scotty:' A fine idea, lad! Wait right here. (Scotty goes up to the fifteenth story, egg in hands without Stringer.) *'Stringer:' Ready up there, Scotty? *'Scotty:' All ready, laddie! *''(Stringer waves the handkerchief)'' *'Scotty:' He's waving... so I'll just give the egg a push. *'Tubby:' He's waving so I'll just back up. *''(The egg cracks and lands in the back seat)'' *'Stringer:' ...well, heh, it works! *''(Now Stringer, by himself and in the egg, is in the window. CB pulls up and gets out of his car)'' *'Scotty:' Ah, how'd you do, CB Schlemiel? Look, up there! An egg falling out of the fifteenth story window! *'Stringer:' Scotty's waving the handkerchief, so here I go! *''(Meanwhile, on the ground, Tubby cannot get the car to start)'' *'Stringer:' There's no car down there! (screams, holding onto the window ledge with his hands.) *'Tubby:' Come on, car, start! Hurry! (beat) Here I go! *''(Tubby, instead of parking in front of the building, crashes through a wall, and into the lobby of the hotel.)'' *'Hotel Manager:' What's the meaning of this?! Get that car out of our lobby! *'Stringer:' Help!! Man, I can't hold on much longer! Where's that car?! *'Tubby:' Gee, Mr. Manager, see, my partner and I will be glad to pay for the damages; you see sir, it's all part of a publicity stunt and-- *'CB:' (outside) Well, is that egg gonna fall, or isn't it? *'Scotty:' I, uh, don't know, sir. But you've got to admit, it's mighty strange looking! Heh, an egg, off a window ledge? *'Stringer:' I can't hold on any longer! Somebody, help!! *'Hotel Manager:' But, if part of your publicity stunt is for your partner to fall out of the window, where is he now? *'Tubby:' Oh my gosh, I forgot about him! Stringer! Stringer!! St-St-St-Stringer!!! I'm coming, Stringer! *'Stringer:' (somberly) Goodbye, cruel world. *'Tubby:' I'm coming, old buddy! *'Scotty:' You're too far, lad! You'll miss him! *'Tubby:' I'll get you, Stringer! *''(Finally, Tubby is aligned correctly, and Stringer safely falls into the backseat. People around cheer)'' *'Scotty:' He did it! *''(The Beagles again start to sing I Feel Like Humpty Dumpty.)'' *'CB:' You know... I might be able to use that song in my new picture. *'Scotty:' Heh... I was kinda hoping you'd say that, CB. Category:Episodes Category:Cartoon Category:Transcripts